Standing in the doorway to the room filled with folding chairs set in a circle, the counselor called out to the group in the waiting room, inviting them to come grab a seat. The two newfound friends sat next to each other, for it offered them a little salve for their anxiety about attending such an event.
As the members of the group, led by the prodding and encouragement of the counselor, shared their stories, Sally had to keep dabbing her eyes with a tissue. Maggie, on the other hand, sat there like a rock. By the time the fifth story was shared, Sally began wondering who her new friend was; she thought, this woman is either heartless or is still in shock from her loss. She leaned over to Maggie and said, “Doesn’t this bother you, hearing about all this loss?” Maggie responded with caring eyes and pursed lips.
When it was Sally’s time to share her story, she broke down and sobbed, uncontrollably. Maggie didn’t say a word, only held her new friend’s cupped, tissue filled hands, and put her arm around her shoulders. The wave of emotions subsided eventually and Sally regained her composure, knowing others needed their time to share.
When it came to Maggie, she pulled out a worn piece of paper, crumpled with yellowed edges, as if it was something she’d had in her purse for years. It reminded Sally of a vintage photo with the old sepia hue to it. Maggie said to her audience:
“My father-in-law gave this to me ten years ago when I lost my first son in the war and I still read it every day. There were times when I resented his gift because it gave me comfort…and who was I to take comfort when my beloved son had been tortured and killed in an enemy camp? After my daughter died from ovarian cancer at the age of thirty, I’d often look up to God and ask, ‘Why me, Lord? Why me?’ I’m here today because I just lost my second son to alcoholism, at the age of 41. I used to think that God had it out for me - that I must’ve done something wrong to anger Him. I never felt like I was any worse than the next person, so - I’m not going to lie to you - He and I didn’t see eye to eye for years. I was angry with Him.
“After my first son died, I wept for what seemed to be years, completely withdrawn and depressed. Looking back now, I can only estimate the damage my absence from the family did to my remaining two children. They’d say to me, ‘Mom, we miss you, please come back to us.’ I was too bereft to listen. It causes me much sorrow to think about it now because, while mourning is healthy and even necessary, it turns selfish if we aren’t careful. God has a plan; we have no right to be selfish about it.
“When my sweet petunia died of cancer, I thought my world would end. I lost twenty-five pounds and withdrew to a new low. I didn’t think it was possible. I had kept this gift (gesturing to the worn note in her wrinkled fingertips) as a memento of the first great tragedy in my life. I then got angrier with God as I considered people like my sister, who, by societal standards, is a louse and a floozy. All seven of her kids were still alive. ‘This isn’t fair,’ I’d say to God. I got even more angry, sorrow turning into something venomous. It wasn’t a good time to be around me; my poor husband and son.
“Before my son drank himself to death, he would call me from his studio apartment in the city and say, ‘Mom, I’m always so sad.’ While what remained of my heart would cry out, breaking in some small way - I had nothing left to give. My mind was galvanized against God, who, interestingly enough, had never set Himself against me. I held my son’s hand as he died on a gurney in the hallway of the city hospital. I looked up to God and asked, ‘You couldn’t even have given him the dignity of dying in a private room, Lord?’
“My third and final child had left me. God had taken them all away. I stood there in that hallway with medical staff whizzing by, overwhelmed with tending to people still living, and I pulled out this note to read again. I’ll share it with you all now.
“It says, ‘My beloved Maggie, the apple of my son’s eye, God has a plan for you, I know it. His Word says in Isaiah 40:31 “but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” I love you like a daughter so I give this gift of perspective to you. 1 Chronicles 16:11 "Seek the LORD and his strength; seek his presence continually!" The good Lord knows what He’s doing, trust me, my dear. Hebrews 1:3 "He is the radiance of the glory of God and the exact imprint of his nature, and he upholds the universe by the word of his power." You might say that you have a right to be angry with God, but you don’t. You truly don’t. God allowed this tragedy to happen because He desires to use it for good. Romans 8:28 "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Do you believe that?'"
At this point, Maggie stopped reading the note to say, “I didn’t always,” and then continued:
“‘My dear Maggie, I beg you to accept the Truth about God. Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’ Philippians 2:1-4 "So if there is any encouragement in Christ, any comfort from love, any participation in the Spirit, any affection and sympathy, complete my joy by being of the same mind, having the same love, being in full accord and of one mind. Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." I miss my grandson and so does your husband and your two other beautiful children. We don’t want to lose you, too, dear.
“‘Perspective is everything, Maggie. While we have a right to cling to our own perspective, God’s is the only one that really matters. I pray that you see this before grief overwhelms you irreparably.’”
Maggie looked up and realized the room was perfectly quiet. She broke the silence with a softened voice, “My son died in that hospital hallway for a reason. I’m here because God has changed my perspective, just like my sweet father-in-law prayed He would. I still miss all three of my children terribly every day, but I realize now that God’s plan for me is a noble one. 1 Peter 5:10 says, 'And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.' The Bible also says in Psalm 34:19 'Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the LORD delivers him out of them all.’”
Maggie scanned the room to ensure every last soul was listening. She said, “You lost your loved ones because God ordained it. God has a purpose for you. You may be blinded by grief like I was, stewing in unrighteous anger towards the One who, like Job said, has every right to give and take away. Go ahead and mourn, but I beg you to not allow this loss to ruin your perspective as to why you are on this Earth and your loved ones aren’t. We go through these tragedies with the Lord right beside us. He is our friend through it all. He expresses this friendship through vessels of mercy - that’s you and me! Galatians 6:2 'Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.' I’m sure it’s not the only reason their lives ended so young, but it took me losing all of my beloved children before my perspective changed."
That’s the end of the story, my dear readers.
I wrote it in an attempt to use an anecdote rather than traditional methods. I hope you don’t mind - I’m, by no means, a professional writer. More importantly, I hope you get the point.
When the going gets tough, the tough get going - that’s what they say, right? I think there’s a lot of Biblical truth to this saying. Like, how do we really know that our faith is strong until it’s tested? How do we know if we’re self-absorbed or not until we suffer certain losses? How do we know that our love is pure until it’s put on full display under the harshest of conditions? God’s plan is to reveal the answers to these questions, which, frankly, can never happen if we live in a comfy little cocoon. God likes to shake things up in our lives, to whatever degree is necessary, in order to bring glory to Himself.
When we sit back and accept God’s will for us, we are blessed.
Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted. Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth. Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied.
— Matthew 5:4-6
It’s the truth that sets us free, regardless of the circumstances. The one truth that we ought never forget is that God is in control. We have to trust Him.
Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God. Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.
— Romans 5:1-5
Love in Christ,
Ed Collins
