The most self-absorbed “person” I’ve ever known is my own flesh. If we’re being totally honest, we can all make the exact same proclamation without hesitation...not about me - LOL - about ourselves (nice try). I mean, whom do we know better than ourselves? Which “self”, the old or the new, have we spent more time with over the course of our lives? If you don’t know the answer to that last question, the answer is the “old self”, the one we were born with, the same one we lived with exclusively until we were saved.

The old self is the most self-centered, egocentric, selfish, self-absorbed person we’ll ever know. And let’s face it, with whom are we most intimate, our own old self or someone else’s? Our own, of course; hence, my opening statement. The old self, aka the “flesh”, loves itself way more than it loves anyone else (that includes the new self).

There’s a reason why an unsaved person never receives the peace that Jesus Christ promises to His own. It’s because it’s impossible for a self-absorbed person to love like He did. Remember Jesus’ words, “Peace I leave with you; My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your heart be troubled, nor let it be fearful” (John 14:27). What He doesn’t explicitly say, but is very much implied, is that without Him, His heart on the matter, there’s no peace. To knit this all together, we might say that without Christ, it’s impossible to have His peace because the peace He gives is His very own, and it’s a function of loving the way He does.

Peace and love are intrinsically bound through eternal life. “And we know that the Son of God has come, and has given us understanding so that we may know Him who is true; and we are in Him who is true, in His Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God and eternal life” (1 John 5:20).

To love others (as opposed to self) is to find peace.

This is the pause I was given this morning as I read Colossians, Chapters 2 and 3. In brief, these passages reminded me of my own recent struggles with abiding in His peace (yes, it’s entirely true that we pastors struggle - I’d argue even more, in some ways - with maintaining peace in the faith). I’ve suffered a bout of this recently, and my “eureka” moment arrived just as sure as the Word washed over me. I’m writing this with a very grateful heart right now. Thanks be to God for showing me what the problem has been, namely, that I was being self-absorbed.

I guess the point I’m trying to make here is a simple one that, once you see it in Holy Scripture, sets you free from the bondage of the old self. Sin and death are masters that do not allow their slaves to love others the way Christ does.

For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.
— Romans 6:5-7

Thank God that with salvation comes deliverance from the throes of spiritual death, where true peace simply does not exist in the absence of love. There’s a very practical side to self-absorption that is worth contemplating, if you haven’t already.

The practical side to self-absorption is that you lose. If you’re an unbeliever, you’ve never had true peace, but if you’re a believer, you surrender it each time you turn your back on others, beginning with Jesus. The world will tell you that increasing one’s happiness involves increasing one’s attention to self. I mean, that makes some rational sense, doesn’t it? It does to the flesh, that’s for sure, and that is what the god of this world is betting on. Self-absorption appeals to the flesh.

Let’s be a little more practical now...

Self-absorption is the natural response to pressure. It’s the go-to estate of a person who lacks faith. For the unbeliever, that’s all the time, hence the absence of any true peace whatsoever. However, for a believer, to the degree they lack faith, it’s to that same degree that they suffer a lack of peace. This is why the Bible encourages us to keep our perspective straight, as a function of faith, lest we lose out on the most precious, practical grace gifts in time.

Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. 

When Christ, who is our life, is revealed, then you also will be revealed with Him in glory. Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry. For it is because of these things that the wrath of God will come upon the sons of disobedience, and in them you also once walked, when you were living in them. 

But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth. Do not lie to one another, since you laid aside the old self with its evil practices, and have put on the new self who is being renewed to a true knowledge according to the image of the One who created him — a renewal in which there is no distinction between Greek and Jew, circumcised and uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave and freeman, but Christ is all, and in all. 

So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you. 

Beyond all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity.
— Colossians 3:1-14

If you’re ever wondering where that sense of peace in your life has gone, then look no further than the old self, for it is probably holding it hostage. Learn to identify those times in your life when you’ve slipped back into your old ways, particularly when you’ve given into the temptation that is aptly called self-absorption. It’s a death trap, but not one that can keep you in bondage forever. As a believer, you are free to “put on love” (Colossians 3:14). “It was for freedom that Christ set us free; therefore keep standing firm and do not be subject again to a yoke of slavery” (Galatians 5:1).

You’ve been set free…to love…not the flesh, for that’s the old self’s desire, but others. ”For you were called to freedom, brethren; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another” (Galatians 5:13).

It’s true, the most self-absorbed person I’ve ever known is me...well, to be fair, my old self. The same goes for you and yours. If I’m at a loss of peace, the first place I’ve learned to look is in the mirror...which self do I see in my reflection??? I usually don’t have to look that far or for very long before I have my answer...I have my truth...and you know what, “and you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (John 8:32).

Love in Christ,

Ed Collins